We’re going again!

Hi everyone. It’s been quite some time since I have updated you on our goings on. Far too busy living life I guess. The downside is that I now don’t have those very special moments captured with the clarity and precision of the here and now as I would have had I just continued this literary record of my life with my family. Ollie is now 2 and a half. I have long since stopped celebrating his monthly birthdays – My baby is now a boy (sob sob).

Since we last chatted, a lot has been happening.  We moved back to Willesden Green, sold the flat, moved in with the in laws for 3 months (and what a wonderful 3 months those were) and bought a beautiful house in New Cross. That’s Nouveau Croix to us and Nouvelle croix to the real Frenchies out there. I have also been back at work for 1 year and 9 months and basically have been superwoman that whole time juggling being a mother, partner, business woman, sister, friend, etc etc.  Anyway, lots has happened since my last post back in July 2013 and just wanted to say……I’M BACK!!!!!

Anyway, what brought me back here is the wonderful announcement that Jem and I are going to be parents again. Ollie is going to have a sibling.   I’m pleased to announce that we are 21+2 weeks pregnant and we found out on Friday 25th September that we are having a girl!!

Our daughter!

Our daughter!

We are both a little shell shocked and bewildered in the best possible way. I still cannot quite believe it!  Jerry of course is dramatising the whole thing, although a phrase of his that I love, and that has made me smile every time I think of it is “Oh no! The cutest girl in New Cross will now be my daughter” lol lol

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Little Oliver, This is Your Life (4 months in)

My dearest Oliver

You have changed my life in the most profound way. The love that I have for you is indescribable. I don’t want to be apart from you even for a second. A lot of the times, it still feels like you are in my tummy. The closeness I feel to you is breathtaking.

You are changing so much everyday. Developing into your own little person. With your own personality. Since you came into our lives, you have been so calm, so wise and such a happy contented little man and that has just continued to grow in spades. You are babbling so much now from “a-ga” to “a-ba”, your infectious giggles which you can’t seem to do without relatively moving your arms and legs at the same time. You are so energised now really eager to turn over, which you have done 5 times now rolling from front to back. You’re also almost sitting up on your own you clever boy. The way that you smile in your sleep, the constant chewing and sucking of your fingers and hands to help you with the teething, which is getting increasing troublesome for you my poor darling, Daddy and I are drinking it all up everyday

Just to see how much you have grown and changed in only 4 months, Oliver Oluwaseyi Barnett, This Is Your Life!!!

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Motherhood

Hi guys. It’s been a little while since I last updated! Been busy just enjoying Ollie and watching him change already. *sob sob-soon he will be heading to uni*

He is such an old soul. Like my mum said, he has grown wise in the womb. He is so inquisitive and relaxed, most of the time lol. As such we have been able to share him with others with great ease. You might have seen us out and about. We are the pair with beaming faces staring lovingly at our son and gratefully receiving the oodles of compliments being thrown at us because of our beautiful boy. Honestly, he is loved everywhere we go by all who meet him. Jerry keeps saying it will be hard for him not to get a big head. I will make sure he grows up humble but for now, he can be as spoilt as possible. Indeed everyone keeps telling me its impossible to spoil a baby and I agree.

We have been going to a local breastfeeding class Ollie and I to help us perfect our roles. It’s lovely getting out weekly and meeting other mums, hearing of their journeys and questions etc. also discovering other local groups: baby massage starting in June; mother and Baby yoga; daddy play time, wiggle & rhyme, pram chorus and many more. We haven’t thrown ourselves in just yet, but we will!!!

Since I last posted, Ollie has celebrated his one month birthday (27th April) and to mark it, we took him to his very first wedding which was a huge success! Our first family ‘party’. It was so much fun and I couldn’t have chosen a more stunning and special occasion to ‘come out’

I have now started recording Ollie as the little noises he makes and his mannerisms etc are just so difficult to capture in still photos. I will upload these soon and regularly, but my virtual photo album is still growing daily! Lol

Other than quite a bad case of what we think is trapped wind, our boy is doing great and growing stronger daily. He is now a strapping 10.5 llbs.

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Motherhood: Days 11-20

Day 11: after fretting about his cord stump, happy to report that it fell off during his 03:00 change on this Sunday morning! So pleased as I really hated it. It was starting to freak me out a little and I was quite worried about him getting an infection and so on. Now it is exactly where it belongs….taped inside his Baby book. All is healing very nicely

Later in the day, we decided another bath was in order since he loved the one granny have him on his first birthday so much and again, he seemed to immediately fall into this trance-line state as he let daddy swish him all over with water. Sadly there were screams as he was hungry going in so being a little cold after his meditative bath meant the end of the world…..we live and learn!

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He also discovered his reflection:

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It’s amazing how strong he is becoming. He has put on more weight, from 3.16kg to 3.43 (his birth weight was 3.3) in the space of 7 days at his weigh in with the community midwife. His movements are also changing and becoming more varied. His cheeks are starting to puff out, my little chubber and we are getting smiles daily now. Admittedly after he is drunk on milk but they are definitely there!!!

All in all, we are all doing well, if a little sleep deprived!

Day 12: day trip around Streatham!

Ok, woke up this morning or should I say hadn’t slept all night as our greedy monkey wanted to feed every hour for about 20 mins each time. By time we got comfortable and were latched of felt continuous. I had expressed some milk the night before as my left boob was so engorged I just couldn’t feed from it. Jerry bless him, convinced me that there is no harm feeding he. My expressed milk especially as it will mean he can feed him and I could get 2hours’ sleep. Reluctantly I agreed and I was glad I did. Those few hours made all the difference. I woke up and baby was fed and changed. I had a lovely shower, something I am lucky to still be able to enjoy as a new mummy each day, got ready and off we 3 went to the Hideaway cafe for a spot of brunch.
I have built it up quite a bit, taking Ollie out in the big wide world, doing things like shopping etc with him and so on but yesterday has given me great confidence. We left daddy so he could get some work done and we had a wonderful and productive day! Ollie’s now registered with the GP and library (for the latter, he has his own card and everything). We then went to Superdrug and I introduced him to my favourite green grocer! The only time he got a little gripey was in the library as he was too hot. Once out, quiet as a mouse!! Again in the library, I had my first mosey stranger educating me about my son.

It went a little like this:
Her-“I think he is hot”
Me in my head- “no shit Sherlock. U think that maybe why I am taking his layers off and fanning him a little with a leaflet?”
Me- “yes, he is hot but it’s quite warm in here. We’re nearly finished. He’ll be fine once we’re out”
Her-“your first? (i nod). make sure you walk him for a bit”
Me- “no we are going home for a feed and a cuddle but thanks for the advise”
Her-“you really should walk him in the buggy a little. Will settle him”
Me in my head- “you really should mind your own flipping business”
Me- “no we’re fine. Bye!”

Lol. My first nosey stranger. I’m sure this had opened the floodgates! Bring it on.

Days 13-16: lovely time with family. Aunts Shade and Louise came to visit, uncle Naz met Ollie for the first time and was too nervous to hold him, Bless him. Aunty Shelina came and we all went out god lunch then a spot of shopping. Couldn’t believe it. First time in months I had gone shopping for me. Bought two lovely pairs of shoes. Steered clear of tops as anything trying to contain these bad boys is bound to look a little shite! We also visited both Iya Agba and Bibbe and Zeide which was lovely. Lilla really adores her cousin x

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On top of all that family loveliness? We also had a visit lasting 2 hours in total from the health visitor who was so lovely! I was able to ask all the questions I had and was reassured that he is doing brilliantly!!! On her advise, Ollie and I went to the breastfeeding clinic where we saw the lovely Clare & Rich with little Joshua and met other local mums which was really lovely. I think we have to stalk Clare et al as they will be moving to Brighton. Hope they don’t get sick of us but thanks to NCT, we’ve made done nice friends

Day 17: Family day out I
Very exciting trip to I Love Coffee in Streatham high rd, then a pub lunch where I breastfed for the first time in public,…result! I even managed to feed myself whilst feeding Ollie. I felt a real sense of accomplishment!

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Day 18: Family day out II
We finally got some sun today so off we went to the park, Clapham Common park. It was great fun. To get there, we took the bus which was very exciting for little Ollie as it was our very first time!!! He took it pretty much in his stride once his daddy held him. As he is boob obsessed at the moment, first things first. We found a bench in the park and out came the boob. I feel like a proper pro now. Getting m’ large baps out in public, discreetly! This was the first of 3 mammoth feeds whilst out but it was all good. Aunty Joy met us and off we went for some lunch.

It is amazing how many people melt when they see Ollie. Parents with kids look at him reminiscing about when theirs was that young and others just look like they want to eat him up. I’m a very proud mummy!

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Back home, feed then family nap x

Day 19: uncle Danny came to spend some time. Oliver is really putting on weight now. Can you see the difference in him already? Look at those cheeks!

He is also an expert at holding his head up. What a clever boy!
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Day 20: day spent just loving and adoring him. Motherhood is wonderful!

Motherhood: First 10 days!

What an amazing week. He is already changing so much.

I am still in awe that we created such a perfect little gem and it is humbling to think that no one else could have done it. Jerry and I needed each other to jointly create our son. Our gift!

We just love him so much and he has just slotted into place in the space that we have been nurturing for him for the last 9 months. His middle name Oluwaseyi means ‘God has done this’ and I find no better way of describing him and the joy he brings to us.

This week has been one of discovery:

Breast feeding: highs and lows
Latching- how painful is this? The answer is very bloody painful. Can’t believe that after a 3 hour NCT breastfeeding session, I was so unprepared for how painful it will be. Imagine knives / big needles being driven into your nipple. Ouch!! I actually cried once and I have to say, called Ollie not so nice names once or twice.
I am glad to report though that now on the 11th day of my amazing sons life, it is getting a lot better. It is still painful especially wen he latches but the pain disappears as he sucks. It is so special even when I am being woken up at 03:00, 05:30, 08:00 etc for feeds lasting on average 45 mins each time. It is so special watching him feed and get stronger by my body doing what it was made to do. It is truly amazing!!

Back Pain- it is insane how uncomfortable you get when learning to breastfed. As soon as Ollie latches on, I dare not move as I don’t want to ruin te latch and so find myself in the most awkward of positions resulting in horrid back pain. In just 11 days, I am now able to text, drink water / tea, basically function whilst breastfeeding although I still need to work on my general positioning.

Milk coming in – as he is feeding so much, my milk has definitely come in and my supply is starting to regularise.

Favourite boob – he immediately took a liking to my right breast which meant that that was the one that caused the most agony. We had now successfully mastered the left and now both are starting to hurt equally and get better equally. Result!

Breakthrough day #1, Sunday 31st March. 7 successful feeds, 3 on left breast and three express sessions. Day #11, average of 10 feeds/day

Sleep: what’s that? Actually it hasn’t been too bad. J and I had a little routine at the start. He takes the early shift 00:00-03:00 and intake over till the morning. Now he is feeding more regularly, this doesn’t work as well as at the beginning. Until I start expressing, up every 2 hours or so for feed during the night but it is ok. Not feeling too battered and there is something so heartening about that time when it is just Ollie and I while the rest of re world sleeps!!!
Monday 1st April: slept 00:00-05:30

Oliver:

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Fambly:

Good Friday:

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Easter Sunday:

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Human Nature: I really have a new found respect for women and all that we do and go through. We are truly amazing! Men aren’t bad either but really, we go through so much and to all mothers out there, you are so respected!

Health Visits: Mummy & Ollie
We are both doing marvellously. He is steadily putting on weight and his cord stump has fallen off which I am so happy about. I hated that thing.

Oliver’s First Bath:
Grandma Yinka gave Ollie his first bath on his one week birthday. He loved it!!! So pleased. He looked so serene! Daddy have him a bath today and again, he looked so at home.

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Naming Ceremony: Choosing a child’s name is a very important matter in Africa. As a Nigerian, this is very poignant and important. A person’s name is an essential component of his spiritual anatomy. We believe that Names help predict the future of a child’s life, as well as giving the child an expectation and code to live its life by.There is great importance given to the meaning if a name. My wonderful mother named Oluwaseyi. As the first grandchild, he is a true Blessing. Similarly, with his conception as with his foetal development and birth, we really have been Blesses and so befitting is the name.
To recognise this, we held a small ceremony to mark Oliver’s arrival, to welcome him and to formally name him. It is essentially our Baby’s first rite of passage and initiation.

It is common for a baby to receive at least ten names at a naming ceremony. Each friend and family member can offer a name. If an elderly person gives a special name to a child at a naming ceremony, he/she may call the child by that name for the rest of its life, even though no one elses refers to the child by that name. It is important that some of these traditions continue for my own children. A piece if our ancestors passed down. The most important aspect to me is the view that it takes a community to raise a child. That is why it is important that Oliver is introduced to the wider Family (community), because he does not just belong to me or his daddy, but he is part of the community. At the ceremony, the community is instructed that this is their child and that they must look out for, and help raise him. At the same time, he is told what is expected of him. His naming didn’t disappoint:
Oliver- Me
Oliver- Jerry
Oluwasino- great grandad Richard
Oluwaseyi- grandma Yinka
Oluwatobi- grandad Tunde
Raphael- grandma Frances
Jethro- grandma Frances
Joshua- grandad Tony
Kayode- Aunty Joy
Ifetayo- Aunty Shade
Thierry- Uncle Mark
Albert- Aunty Charlotte
Moses- Uncle Dave/ Aunty Heather
Yew- Uncle Tris
Alabi- Uncle Gab
Solomon-Uncle Aroun
Ethan- Aunty Abie
George- Uncle Danny

So much more to be written but feel i need to post this or I never will. I will try my best to update my darlings first everything.

That said, before I forget Ollie had his first proper outing in his buggy today. Daddy and I took him to the park to meet his aunties Sho Sho, Krystle from NY and Chi Chi! As first time parents, when we saw others we immediately realised we had brought nothing out with us. No nappies, cotton wool, spare clothes etc. basically no change bag. luckily he slept all the way there send until we were ready to leave.

As I write this snuggling with my little husband, I can only say, the previous journey was amazing, intense, life changing. Hold on to your hats guys by his one is about to blow it clean out of the water!!!!

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40+2: End of Pregnancy. Next Stage……MOTHERHOOD!

After all the waiting, Oliver Oluwayseyi Barnett is here arriving only 2 days over his estimated date of arrival at 00:33 Wednesday 27th March 2013 weighing in at a respectable 7.4llbs (3.3kg)

Here’s what happened, written while my angel sleeps…

Contractions started at 17:30 Tues afternoon. I had spent the the day hoovering and mopping and so on and had just finished when it started and was talking to Abie on the phone. At the beginning they were just period pains lasting around 30 secs every 5-7 minutes. I told her I had better download a contraction timer app and got the TENS machine and put it on. They were regular almost immediately but didn’t hurt too much. We jut continued babbling. I texted J to say i think its all starting but no need o rush home (he was in a cafe round the corner doing some writing) and that i was ok. Joy then called and we had another babble for about an hour at which point, the intensity was starting to shoot up and they were lasting around 45 secs every 3-4 minutes. The TENS has a booster button you are meant to press during contractions and i kept forgetting, needing Joy to remind me which she did dutifully. Thanks aunty Joy. I didnt want to worry her so tried to breath through the contractions and not make her aware of just how much they were ramping up. When Jerry got home around 19:30 I was definitely on the way

Around 20:00 I had the show, which for all of you are not an expert on all things baby as I wasn’t 9 months ago, is a mucus plug at the entrance of your cervix that comes away during labour as things start to progress. Nice hey? I called the midwife and said as I could talk through the contractions (I had two while on the phone) and they were still only last 45 secs, to have a bath and wait at home as waters hasn’t gone.

By this stage I have to say the intensity shocked me and it was quite painful but between each one, all the pain disappeared as we have all read. It really is amazing! I just kept thinking I cannot do 30 more hours of this pain and what happened to the slow build up I have read about?

Had a bath, more contractions and I think waters broke while in there. I had begun to growl lol. Each contraction meant I had to lift and hold my body weight on my arms to reduce pressure on my pelvic region. That’s when I begun my communication with Jerry which consisted of a combination of the following:
‘It hurts so much babe’
‘Why does it hurt so much already?’
‘Am I doing ok’
‘It hurts so fucking much’
‘Can I have sausage pasta’ (obviously this was between contractions)
‘I feel like I am going to shit myself’
And on it went. Bless him. He was great. Of course nervous and anxious himself but 100% supportive and assuring all the way. His faith in me and constant “you are amazing. You are doing so well” reassurances forced me to start believing that I wasn’t just a chicken shit with a much lower pain threshold than I thought but the pain was indeed severe by anyone’s reckoning and that I was handling it well

My brother came round with his iPad so that we could take it the hospital to watch films, little did we know . He looked like he didnt know what had hit him. Screaming sister in labour he did not expect and had certainly not prepared for it, bless him!!
After eating dinner in between contractions and rolling on all fours, it’s now around 21:15 and they are lasting around 55secs and coming every 2.5-3mins. I was well within the target time to hot step it to hospital but only gave J hi ahead to call taxi then. Seriously petrified of being sent home if not dilated enough.

Journey to hospital was in hindsight hilarious but at the time I just remember thinking there is always the epidural and willing us to get there for gas and air! I had only had 2 paracetamols by then, which FYI was a bloody waste of time lol

We arrived at St Thomas’ around 10 (I think). Got examined by 2 amazing midwives and i think my first words following a very brief introduction after being ushered into the delivery room was, can I have the gas and air now please?!! through very gritted teeth. Angelina our first midwife was so calm and supportive, explaining what was happening, reminding me to breath through the contractions in a way that didn’t make me want to scream ‘you bloody breath through these fucking contractions’, which with someone else I could have easily said, allowed to grab we arm as I needed to and in response to my “God, please help me. God give me strength” exclamations, she simply responded ‘the strength is yours. You can do this.’ And so on.

She examined me and explained that she could not be sure of my dilation so he went to get the midwife supervisor for a second opinion. Mietre (unsure of spelling), another brilliant midwife (slightly harsher in demeanour but what you need for an event such as this) asked Angelina what she thought I was, looked up and said, yes I was indeed …..(drum roll please)…..7 cm dilated! I was ecstatic oh and screaming for them to hurry up so I could get off my back for next contractions. My remaining waters went then. Such a messy business this childbirth lark. Rather shocking actually. Anyhoo, lets carry on. I had been praying for such and had been joking for ages that that would be my ideal labour. I.e., if I could get to hospital and be much of the way through but I honestly never allowed myself to really believe it to save on the disappointment. Just goes to show, if you visualise something and on some level trust in it, it will be so. As Mark would say, “The laws of attraction sis. It’s a powerful thing!”

Contractions are intense and they do hurt and feel strange as it feels like you are going to shit yourself but I felt I could do it and the gas and air is brilliant. Doesn’t take the pain away but when they say it takes the edge off, it’s so true!! Allows you to cope.

We really wanted a water birth and they did all they could and moved us within 30 minutes of arriving. By this time, my mum had arrived. We also got another midwife (Italian) who specialises in water births. At first, I didn’t want to change Angelina but she explained that the other was fantastic at water births and that she would pop in to see me time to time which she did right up to the delivery to offer her congratulations, bless her. We ha to move rooms and they were all laughing at me cos I was literally running down the corridor to the birth pool. What they didn’t get was that my only goal was to make it to the pool before the next contraction which I just about did. The water was only half full but who cares. I am now where my son will be delivered was all I thought. Now, Incan do this.

Our new lady was AMAZING. So calm and experienced she guided me through with tips on breathing Baby down, when and when not to push etc. very calm.

As mum was praying and stroking my hair, telling me how proud she was and how well I was handling everything, holding my lifeline, i.e., the gas and air so i could suck on it, J was able to take photos of the final stages of our pregnancy journey an to beautifully record all that was happening. I only told him to get his f***king camera out of my face once and he even got some thumbs up and smiles….in between contractions of course!

I remember screaming something like “it fucking hurts, and my mum saying, “Bola, don’t swear!” Can you believe it? I actually wanted to laugh. The midwife explained it was ok and very normal…hilarious.

Within 1.5 hours of being in the pool, Oliver was born. The pushing bit was not hard at all looking back and was a relief to be finally able to push as that’s what my body had been wanting to do for ages but so as not to tear or rush nature, i had to takr to a step at a time. I remember saying, “i feel i need to push. I can feel the ring of fire! Baby’s head’s coming. I need to push’. I looked up and J was looking at me like I was delirious. Like yeah yeah, we have a lot more of this to go sunshine before we get there. Well, that was until he saw Ollie crowning. Of course he grabbed the camera and there is an amazing picture of Ollies head under water delivered. (I won’t put it up here in case some think its a little too much but honesty guys, flipping amazing!) My religious watching of One Born Every Minute episodes sure did pay off. Before I knew it, my boy was born.

Mum an Jerry were so emotional. Me? i just kept saying where is my baby. I want my baby until he was scooped out of the water and into my arms. He and i felt so calm.

“So we finally meet”, i thought. He was so alert. Big grey eyes scanning my face, the room everything. Taking it all in!!

We are so Blessed.

A few things from our birth pln suddenly came to mind. We wanted to leave the cord a while to finish pulsing before Jerry cut it and we also wanted to deliver the placenta naturally, which didn’t go according to plan in the end but what an amazing experience! It is true that afterwards you do forget the specifics of the labour and a few hours later, I couldn’t believe I had just given birth. My body was and still is relatively fine and it is as if he has always been here, already!

Below are some pics of his first 72 hours alive.

We are now learning the breast feeding trick one step at a time. Wish us luck

Here’s to motherhood!!

Lots of love

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39 weeks pregnant

Sorry folks. It seems I have skipped two whole weeks of my life. How did that happen? You would think that in between the decorating, building of flat pack furniture, shopping, lunching, dinners, catch ups, hand overs in the office and incessant list making and cleaning rituals, I would have welcomed the opportunity to take a breather and document the last days weeks of part one of my journey into Motherhood. Alas, it was not to be.

By way of a cheat, see below some pictures of bump during this hazy time:
Week 37:
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Week 38: didn’t take any, sorry folks

Ok…..so week 39. Can you frigging believe that I have a week to go today before little man comes into the world?! It’s funny because I really am eager and ready to be a mum. It took some soul searching and some positive affirmations to really understand, truly understand my feelings at this late stage of the pregnancy. For example, I had developed a stock answer when asked ‘are you ready?’, ‘are you scared?’, ‘how do you feel about becoming a mum?’ and all the variations of the same. I would always start by asserting that I am not anxious or worried about the labour itself just scared of the being a mum bit. Basically, over the last week or so I have determined that this is bull shit! Where did this come from? Regardless of who was asking, my answer was always the same. Ready to spill out and the first opportunity. But why? Was it true that I was Mother Earth prepared for the challenges of labour and approaching it with the no fear mantra I had been spouting since the beginning of the third trimester? Who the f* knew. I hadn’t actually sat down and truly thought about it. And therein lay my problem I think. With just sooooo much to think about, so many lists, so many things to do, prep, buy, plan etc I think my brain put that particular ‘to do’ in the competed pile and I liked it there. I am pleased to say that having reflected on my thoughts about the delivery of my baby into this world and the journey we will both be making in order for us to meet, it is true!! I am at peace with the birthing of Baby and I am at the pint where I welcome it, with open arms and as much positivity as you can when entering into the complete unknown. Whatever happens, not only can I deal with it with the support and encouragement of Jerry and my mum, but I will have the most amazing life companion at the end of it all. To say I have faced challenges in life with much less reward is a gross understatement!!

And so we come to my second claim. I am scared of being a mum. Basically I have been telling people how worried I am that I will be a good mum. Where did this come from? One thing is that I think I have enjoyed people hitting back with ‘omg, you will be a brilliant mum. I just know it!’ How great is it to hear that. But surely i am not actually expecting someone to turn around and say, ‘actually, you’re right. you’ll probably be pretty shit by it will be ok. You can’t be good at everything’. So, am I just trying to get that affirmation from others to make me feel better? Then I had a light bulb moment which I can’t really take all the credit for. Reading the Hypno Birthing book given to me by Anna MacD and subsequently reminded by Louise WJ (thank u ladies!!), written by Marie Mongan, allowed me to take a step back. Allowed me to understand this fear that I was so happy to throw out to the world and truly question where it had come from. Another powerful lesson that my brother has been a strong proponent o for some time is the law of attraction, essentially that you get what you give out. Many of you who know me know that I live by this mantra without even thinking about it and so why at this pivotal stage of my life have I reverted? Do I believe I will be a bad mother…No I don’t. Do I believe I will be the best I am be? I really do. It sounds so obvious and even a little OTT I can imagine you reading this but it was quite a revelation to me and as a result, my attitude has changed. My approach to motherhood has altered slightly. It is so amazingly overwhelming the experience of becoming a mother with so many facets to the overall journey. It really is blessing!

Back to more practical matters…

I feel ready! Hospital bag packed, baby’s new born and 0-3mth clothes washed and sorted by colour palate, size and style (I know, I know), nursery well underway to being complete. [will upload pic soon]. All essentials purchased. Family and friends caught up with, work compartmentalised, rest and day time naps coming more easily to me as I start to wind down and basically get more knackered!! How Exciting!!!!!

Feeling good! I am definitely at the stage where any twinge brings on a ‘ooh, I wonder if the latent stage of labour is starting’ thought. Every movement (almost) is accompanied by sighs, moans and groans to Jerry’s dismay as he thinks each one signifies the coming of a contraction, Bless him! Even still, I am still feeling pretty good and mobile and up to around 3/4pm, pretty energetic. Sleep however is becoming very very challenging! In fact it is starting to piss me off but at the same time, it really is teaching me how little our body needs to function, which yes I know, is great preparation for when Baby comes! I an handle it though.

What else is happening…?

Ok, it seems that question was too much for my weary head as it took me 5 whole days to come back and answer it. Sorry folks. I am now 3 days till my due date and realised that I won’t be pregnant for much longer so this is not the time to start scrimping on bump pictures (see below) and updates. There just seems to be so much to do. Even now, I am tucked in bed for my afternoon nap and shouldn’t even be updating this. Mainly due to the fact that I had about 2 hours sleep in total last night. Around 03:00 I felt Baby starting to nestle his little (please let it be little) head deeper. It was a new sensation and I thought, ‘bloody hell! This is it!’ Of course it wasn’t otherwise I wouldn’t be wiring this now. I kept waiting for the period pain-like contractions to start and go but they never came. I sat in anticipation for a long while. All in all, we are entering the last furlong now.

Other than being tired and having a cold (how unfair is that hey? Don’t you think i have enough coming up without a cold that I cannot even medicate for? – did have night nurse the other night, and spent most of it paranoid I was a bad mother and had hurt baby but eventually fell asleep and I have to say, what a good sleep it was too), I have been getting things around the house finalised. Just the wardrobe left to build now. We had some rearranging to do so what was once Jerry’s office/ spare room equipped with desk, pc, crap, junk, double bed etc is now looking like my little boys’ room. It’s crazy though. What I would have done in a day max has spread over into 1.5 weeks. As much as I think I am superwoman, this pregnancy really has taken it out of me.

I am also a sex pest. No not like that you filthy so an so’s. I’m 9 months pregnant for crying out loud! I mean all the heavy breathing. My lungs and other organs are so squished that I am surprised they are even working at all.

I have to say it has been fun this week. Being out and about, explaining to people that I am days away from giving birth and seeing the shock on their faces. I proudly exclaim, ‘oh yes. Only days to go now’. It’s my badge of honour you see. Almost there and still functioning. But I have to admit, it is getting quite challenging now but need to finish nursery and stickers on the wall and then I am ready to start contracting!

Great news. Finally found nursing bras that fit. Hallelujah!! Please pray these knockers go down soon. They are ridiculous. First thing when I start breast feeding is to try not to suffocate him with my I’s. Yes you heard me. 36i is my size. Up from a 32dd. Crazy 😜

Ok, enjoy the pics u voyeurs lol x

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36 weeks pregnant

Ok so what a week!!! That could be why I am almost a whole week late in posting but who’s counting right?!

Today is the end of our 36th week, so from tomorrow, Baby can be born at any time and be classed ‘Full Term’! That is truly an achievement for both Baby and I. Look how far we have come.

Ok so this past week has actually been pretty hard. Trying to wind down at work and handover my responsibilities all the while trying to finalise the date that my cover will be starting work. For the first couple of days, I didn’t even know she would accept the offer till Tuesday. Anyhoo, leaving the office late each night meant I was absolutely pooped by the time I got home. Thank God for Jerry and his life saving meals. But please don’t ask me how I’m sleeping. The short answer without the swear words is simply, not very well! If one more person reminds me that it is my Body, God or some other higher power getting me prepared for when Baby comes, I swear to that very same being I will scream. The worse thing is they all think they are the only ones to have have thought of and shared such words of wisdom [*if you are one of these people, love you! Just a little cranky. Not sleeping well but I guess you already know that don’t you 😉*]

So brain on overdrive making sure I have all the relevant basis covered at work really didn’t help ease me into a relaxing slumber but it certainly showed me that my brain is definitely still working at its optimal level. If you hear any different, ignore it. They don’t know what they are taking about! However when you need all the time in the world, that’s precisely when you just don’t have it. I had two weeks’ work to complete in a week, minus a Monday morning midwife appointment, Wednesday morning girls only NCT class then straight onto a girls Baby Shower lunch at work. Oh and a few other lunches with my team. Priorities I hear you scream. Well, exactly!!

Anyway, getting a little distracted and I think you all get the message. Pretty flipping busy. Now on to more interesting news…..!

Wednesday was a really lovely day. The baby shower lunch was brilliant. I turned up late (of course) but in my defence I was hot stepping it from
Balham following a really insightful NCT class, where we met new mums telling us their stories. Should have freaked me out but i found it really inspiring and actually gave me quite a lot of confidence. Especially as the poor woman who was describing her experience to date had gone through a textbook nightmare scenario. Baby with reflux, allergies, tongue tie, the lot! Poor thing, but she got through it.

So, where was I. Oh yeah. About 20 girls turned up to the Tapas bar on Wed. I was so touched that anyone turned up tbh. Really nice babbly lunch. I still think most people are almost as shocked that I am about to have a Baby as I am. Another memorable day to store away in my shoe box. Once we trundled out of there and went back to work, by 16:30 I was having a final meeting with my boss. One minute we were discussing the next 9 months and wrapping up on project work, next minute the whole office is gathering round the meeting room. So embarrassing! Again I was incredibly touched at the lovely words that was said, and the number of people and the lovely gifts for me and Baby. So of course I blubbed in front of everyone. They should have known better with all these hormones raging through me!!
Felt truly Blessed and generally quite emotional that such a huge part of my life was coming to an end, albeit for a limited time. Leaving work threw me into motherhood much more than anything else. Incredible

So now, I have roughly 3 weeks to relax, prepare, NEST, worry, get excited, reflect, plan, and and and…… I have been stressing for a little while now. We need to sort out the spare room, still got bits to buy for Baby, need to pack our hospital bag (yes, still not packed!), fit in things we won’t immediately be able to do, nap, see friends and family. So I am back at my favourite past time……making lists. I just don’t have the time to procrastinate as I did before. It will all be fine!!

Sat- our last NCT class. Another significant milestone. I remember when we booked it. This random pregnancy group that our parents had mentioned that we knew absolutely nothing about that sounded a good idea at the time, is now finished. Everyone went on about how important it is to find a good group that you can bond with and grow with as your babies grow etc. I think we have such a group. Really looking forward to continuing to get to know the guys and especially our little ones meeting. 10 will soon become 15….😍

As I write this Baby is saying hello by kicking and poking me, Bless him. My emotions are quite raw at the moment and anything seems to set me off but Jerry has found that laughing gently and giving me a kiss and a hug generally sends me straight. I am going for one such kiss and hug now.

I bid you all adieu x

Ps our TENS machine came and of course I just had to try it immediately. Pretty good, but we’ll see if it actually helps once the contractions start.

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P.p.s here are some 36 week bump shots….

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I really don’t think I look 8 months pregnant. Let’s hope that means Baby is not going to be giant x

35 weeks

35 weeks pregnant, 6 working days left in the office, Baby almost here. WOW!!!

Excited! Nervous! Ready! Scared! Eager! Anxious! Calm! Tired! Strong! So many words can very adequately and truthfully explain how I feel at any given time, any given second really.

I was at home in bed watching my belly moving and, don’t laugh but I was scared. Looked like a bloody alien. It’s funny. Sometimes I just want to hug my belly and I feel like he is talking to me and only me. Building our little bond bless him. Other times, it’s so flipping freaky. Especially now he is getting bigger, him moving has actually made me jump sometimes. Honestly, it is the weirdest feeling.

When I was newly pregnant and reading all these blogs and books about making sure you keep track of any changes in Baby’s kicks etc, I used to think how the hell can you keep track and worry that I wouldn’t know. How silly I was. Little man kicks all the time and we have continued our routine. Now I think, how could I not know. Life is so amazing!!!

Ok not in an inspired or chatty mood today folks. I am however ready to share those tasteful nude pictures (well one) that I spoke about in my last blog. I warn you, it’s not quite Demi Moore. I tried to cover my boobs but my hands are just not big enough.

Anyway, hope I don’t offend but it will be funny showing it to Baby one day. I can just see the embarrassment in his face (*he he he*). Oh the joys

Mwah x

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34 weeks…….flipping hell!!😳

So, 6 weeks to go. However, first milestone is 2 weeks and 4 days till the start of my maternity leave, not that I am counting or anything 😉

Ok, so I will be reading this blog back to myself one day as the mother of a wonderful 2-3 year old boy. Reading all my earlier posts describing how wonderful it feels to be pregnant. How easy it has all been. How the compliments just kept flooding in, about how wonderful and glowing I looked, until u get to today. How the tables have turned. I will be reading it to Jerry and my girls laughing with them at my naivety. Don’t get me wrong, I am still luckier than most. But fuck me, this pregnancy lark is no walk in the park.

Honestly, I went from being swung around a hall in Kings Cross Irish set dancing at 31 weeks to being forced to stand up like an old woman whose nether regions weigh a tonne jut 2-3 weeks later. In my experience, pregnancy started 3 weeks ago and it has taken a hold of me. Not that I am still not enjoying it (I hope you are picking up on my bi-polar ways, just in the preceding text alone-you know, my “I like it, I don’t like it” ways – welcome to my life!). I love when Baby starts to kick the bejesus out of me. That is to say when I don’t feel like he is going to break a rib that is (I told you – changing my mind like the weather). Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, rambling! So everyday I sit there and think of my Baby. What he will be like, how much I will love him, how I will raise him, how much the watching of others’ kids being reared will affect my choices, how much I will love him (I know I already said that before you think I am going barmy but just wanted to reinforce that I think of that all the time), wether each time he moves, stretches or kicks, and I gently rub whichever part of his body is protruding out of my belly, he can feel the soothing stroke of his mummy. It really is a wonderfully beautiful and enriching and of course petrifying experience that you can never really appreciate until you are being kicked and proded from within. So cliche and all knowing but alas it is true!

It was quite funny actually. The other night, J and I were spooning on the rug infront of the telly and lying on my left always brings out the crazy in Baby. I asked J to put his hand constantly on my belly and just laid there, waiting for the show to begin. I’ve always been a bit sad that Jerry especially is not always around to feel Baby’s movement as much as I do, especially now that my seat is one of those gym ball things. (Btw, they re bloody brilliant!). Screaming at him to bring his hand over to feel that kick that will obviously be long over by the time he gets there, is even more difficult and no doubt pretty jarring for him. Anyhoo, as we were lying down, little man was determined to put on a show for his daddy. Jerry was freaked. Baby is so strong now that gone are the cute little flutters. Now it’s full blown whacks. J was shocked sat how close to the surface he felt. It was so special. It was like me and Baby were laughing in the best possible way of course (😜) at daddy.

Ok so I think we are ready. No hospital bag packed as yet though, but we could actually scavenge around the house for everything the billions of baby sites tell us that we need. They’re just not in a bag waiting by the front door for that rush to the hospital. Soon.

6 flipping weeks to go!!

So we are all transferred over now to St Thomas’ hospital and had a 2 hour booking appointment with the midwife there. went along with my wonderful mummy. so happy we decided to change hospitals. Absolutely nothing wrong with St Mary’s but as soon as we walked in, it just felt right. They were so amazingly thorough and although she finished at 18:00, she continued answering questions, reviewing my notes, doing tests and so so on until we were all satisfied. We didn’t leave till about 18:40. To put a cherry on top of the whole thing, I am able to see the same woman, Maureen Easy again at my next appointment. That option simply wasn’t Available to me at St Mary’s. You basically saw whoever was free that day. Mum was also very excited as she gave birth to all her kids there so a nice feeling of coming full circle in a way. It was also a great way to bring her up to speed on everything and include her in a way that we haven’t in the past. Bless her!!!
Additionally, mums coming along to our next women only Nct class, which will be great!!

So quick round up before I go:
I need to learn to relax. Been so busy last couple of months, since Xmas really that I know I am not doing myself any good and simply waiting for maternity leave to start wont be the answer. Right, been planning a soothing bath with candles, music etc for ages. Tonight’s the night! Relaxing for Bola has to start somewhere, right?!

UPDATE: so for once I followed through on a planned relaxation evening for myself and had a wonderful bath with all the trimmings, listening to great music and just allowing myself to chill. Baby and I had a great time. I hope I keep it up until I can no longer actually get in or out of the bath!

Now too relaxed to finish the rest of my round up. Just more babble so don’t worry, you really didn’t miss much!!

Love you all. Till next time X

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